This past fall led me to realizing that I no longer lived in an underdeveloped, tree location as I had raked my yard three times and I was on raking number 4. I began this task at 11:30am and with the exception of a thirty minute lunch break, I was at it and finally completed it at 6:30pm. Now this blog is not about raking leaves, or is it :-)! When we find ourselves amidst mundane tasks, quite often we loose sight of the healing and growth that may or may not transpire. This was one of those times. As I was raking leaves, I found myself thinking about different people who have been in my life, some that still are, and some that are no longer. Some by my choice, some by theirs, and some by the grace of God.
I am extremely proud of The Loving Piece, the people that enter, and the good that I believe it does. Not everyone agrees. Some people that have been extremely close to me are some that believe The Loving Piece isn't good. Doesn't do good for people and has a darkness about it. I have allowed some of these comments to hurt me on different occasions an lacking the support of people that I love can be very hurtful. This was one of the thoughts that took hold of me as I was continuing to rake leaves that I would swear were multiplying with every swipe of the rake. By this point in time, the sun had gone down and there was a big part of me that wanted to quit. Wanted to quit raking, quit being a homeowner, quit being a business owner and truly quit caring, but I didn't. Now, I'm going to preface this as I am not a believer in boxed religion, but I am a believer in the higher power. As I was allowing my thoughts to consume me, darkness to overcome me on many levels, there was one light that was shining. This light that was illuminating into my backyard was a nativity scene that my neighbor across the street had out in his yard. At that moment, I was reminded that Jesus was crucified for his beliefs, his teachings, and the good that he was doing. By no means do I attest myself to anywhere near that level, but I was extremely, for that moment, of being reminded that no matter what path we are on, we are all being tested. Tested to see how true we are being to ourselves, how true we are being to our beliefs. I was crying at this point in time, in the dark, with the exception of this "light" and truly wanting to fall to my knees and release all of my fears, insecurities and doubt to the ground below. As much as I wanted to do this, I did not because I knew that there was quite a bit of dog poop in the yard, and some of which, was in the pile of leaves. I just did not want to fall into the physical poop, because I felt that I was emotionally in enough of it...lol.
I finally finished raking the yard with a new outlook on the direction that I was continuing my life, and the good that I know I have done and will continue to do. Once inside my home, I decided to pull some "vegetable" soup out of the freezer. A little secret about me...when I meal prep, I don't mark the containers before I put them in the freezer. Please save this for later. My mom called, making sure that I was in for the night instead of laying in my backyard. I proceeded to share with her what had transpired in the mundane day of raking leaves. She knew I was exhausted and suggested I take a bath, heat up my soup and watch a feel good type of movie. I listened to her and once I finished my bath, I proceeded to go downstairs to grab my vegetable soup, which was now heated up and turned out to be chilli. Grabbed some corn chips and headed to snuggle in with a feel good type show.
Turning on Netflix lead me to a documentary called "Stutz". In reading the recap of this show, I thought, I am not watching this as it was about Jonah Hill and his psychiatrist and the teachings of them both. Knowing that I didn't want to watch it was all the more reason to put it on...an I did. Boy did I!!! If you haven't watched it, I highly recommend that you do. I will try my best not to give too much away, but I found myself, mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually exhausted and thankfully was the best way for me to watch it as I didn't have the energy to fight off hearing what I needed to. I took pages of notes and found myself pausing the show to do the exercises that were being shared. I found myself wanting to contact Stutz to make an appointment, but realized that if I allowed myself to receive, I would be able to do a lot of the work myself, which isn't that what we ultimately do anyway? I awoke the next morning with a lightness an awareness of a heaviness that had been lifted. The turmoil that was consuming me along with the people that it was attached to was no longer a part of me. I was no longer caught in the "maze".
I am a firm believer in doing the work, asking for help and surrendering especially when we don't want to. This night back in November led me to many realizations, but one of the biggest was, like many, I was always looking for the "magical" moment, the aha moment, the Ram Dass moment...this isn't something that I believe can be bought, can't be chased, can't be found behind a computer screen or in a book. All of these things are tools to help us get there, but ultimately the work and the aha moments are found within ourselves, especially when we are caught up in the mundane of things, but those mundane things are truly where the magic is, when we are connected to ourselves, to who we truly are, to the lessons that have proceeded us and will continue to happen. We are all a mass of cells that are constantly changing and shifting as we release our humanness while transcending into bliss...which translates to we are soul beings having a human experience. An as you are looking for that state of bliss, that aha moment, don't forget to embrace the beauty in the human experience. The human that you are and the magic that we refer to as the mundane. May you all have a magical mundane moment this year!!!!! An please watch Stutz.....
Thank you for taking the time to read this if you got this far and blessings to you all.