March 29, 2021
Writing has always been extremely healing for me, cathartic actually. I have started this blog many times this morning, as I didn’t want the message to get lost in the emotion. I recently had an experience that allowed me to see how being let down by others is never as disheartening as letting yourself down. Fortunately, I chose me…I chose to put myself first. I chose to go when the past me would have stayed. I put myself first when I use to feel that doing that made me selfish. As I have been on this spiritual journey for many, many moons, when situations arise, I am still blown away…this past weekend was one of them. I was invited to take a trip out of town. To spend time with someone, to get to know them better. Now, a little backstory (cause you know, that is what I do). On the new moon (planting seeds), they came to see me, first time meeting. They traveled with four of their friends. Ok, cushion…I get it. No judgement just observation. I was invited up this past weekend (full moon, release) to go to this person’s neck of the woods. Which I did…solo. Altho, a few of my sistars pointed out that my back seat was filled with my spiritual team. TRUTH. Strength…. I am not going to go into detail with what transpired as the details will take away from the message. I realized that deflection is a real thing, that I quickly saw. I did not take ownership of it as I quickly realized what it was. Needless to say, I was treated pretty badly by the person that invited me to be there and rather than stay an try to fix or try to understand or try to make excuses and disregard the red flags…I left. I grabbed my spiritual team and hopped back into the car an onto the road. Four hour trip home with a backseat filled with growth. Amidst the tears and the shock of what transpired I was able to see things for what they really were/are, a little sleep, a beautiful team of support and WOW! I was able to see how far I have come. I use to be that person that would take on other people’s shit…yeah shit and try to fix it for them, meanwhile disregarding what part of me needed to be taken care of. I didn’t do that this time. I put myself first without even skipping a beat. I knew that the treatment I was receiving wasn’t good. Wasn’t what I deserved and I left. It was one of the most freeing moments of my life because I didn’t let myself down. I put myself first. No one is worth not loving yourself…ever. I love that this happened around the two-week moon cycle. As the seeds were planted, boy they weren’t the seeds that I thought they were, but they grew, in two weeks, they grew and when the Full Moon in Libra presented itself, it came in howling. Wind whipping to the point of wondering when the trees were going to be flying by. At that moment, I realized that this release was to take away any residual of the passive me that still lingered, the putting others before me when they really didn’t deserve it. So even if I wanted to hold on to any part of the old me…the wind had other plans. I am excited to see where the next part of my journey takes me, as if you have been around me long enough, you hear me saying “rejoice in suffering”. Not quite sure where I will end up, but I do know that everything that happened was suppose to and the turnaround time is getting shorter and shorter for me but with a little more vengeance. So I will leave you all with this…never underestimate the journey, never doubt who you are, never treat people the way that you wouldn’t want to be treated, because as we all know, it will come back and ouch…but most importantly never ever try to un-love yourself for the sake of others. Blessed be and the lessons that be